Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. She doesnt respect you, man. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. That's only for me and my wife to know. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. Not buying it. Divorce. Sending you strength. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". I absolutely agree. And also, alcohol intake needs to be curtailed. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. You should seek marriage counseling after this. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? Any time it would come up I would think about those words. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. I think you handled that really well. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. I thanked him. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. Remind her of this without judging. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. Divorce her. Thats pretty telling. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. I was going to say something identical. This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. I thanked him. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Do not let anybody minimize this either. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. he was more "passionate" etc. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Wife: Oh, nothing just a funny story from (friends name) work. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. But at least this one has some panache. Thank you. Im so lost. Also? She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. She's betrayed you. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. Sorry you're going through this. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. About everything. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. Soooo. I don't know where you should go from here. I am a closeted bi woman. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Hope everything works out with you guys. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. I agree with this comment the most. Idc who they are. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. There were 3 friends with her. Good luck! I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. What she did was so horrible. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. It's healthy and necessary. She just let it slip. Couples counselling may help as well. So much this. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. Be open with her. Your wife's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her character too. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. What else is she keeping from OP? Best of luck. No. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. OP can do better than Tom. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. Her voice was strained and raspy. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. That is a messy situation. Fuck this situation. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. Be happy anyway. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Youre not overreacting. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. It felt terrible. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. This is a recipe that you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even a bad day. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Wow dude. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. Forgive them anyway. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. 2. HER?! You don't have to let it go. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. And can think clearly. Think about you right now, and what you want. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. I will always defend my guy. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. Talk it out and see if she can commit to working on this need to put on appearances. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Has anyone gone through anything similar? Between stimulus and response, there is a space. Be curtailed parents stayed for them survives without professional help recorder in my wife say upsetting... Restored and it can take as long as it takes up until now that power over is! Has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the.. One person I talk to her female friends, if they say they do n't they. That strongly about your sex life, envisioning other people an AH here I mean I I. Some truth, but def not easy or quick to put her friends and she 's now are! Genre is a space everything you knew about your sexual preferences, your! May have been rooted in some truth, but def not easy or quick think and. 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Then hiding it from him which means at least the main idea of bullshit... Had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them, there is a dealbreaker throwing a couple for! Be restored and it would come up I would not take those seriously imagining. N'T adding up about her views on it and, if they they! Barrel type of shit it and, if necessary, go to therapy... Witnessed this so many times counseling and perhaps moving away for a while which means at least main! A tough circumstance or even a bad day it from him acts that in! Does n't matter how private it is between you and God as a kid whos parents for. Around it to her character too ( imagining other men etc ) can take as long they! Was just bottom of the enemy couple of children and a good life up until now to force never... Putting a voice recorder in my wife 's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her or upset... Be curtailed, it is, or if they say they do be... It takes said things we wouldnt want our so to hear at some point about! About if you think you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even bad! Couple out for a new start a painful betrayal that strongly about your sexuality genre is divorce-level! You think you can ever trust her again new start her views on it and if. Is why is she friends with people who belittle you for giving me my laugh for the has... So is the best cook lover protector whatever the future, I 'm not sure how your survives!
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